One the things that always fills me with fear when about to visit London is the prospect of having to use the London Blunderground. Sometimes it is the only way to get around but it's just generally so lacking in all the ways it shouldn't be.

For those of you you have been fortunate enough not to use the Blunderground during rush hour, consider yourself lucky. It's overcrowded, dirty, poorly ventilated and, in winter, the only warm place in town.

Once it gets past chucking out time, the late trains turn into "Vomit-Comets" - a repository for all of Londons drunk desperatly trying to get home after a night "on-the-lash."

Trains are invariably old, dirty, grafftied or all of the above.

Buying a ticket from one of the few working machines or one of the goons that man the ticket offices is equally challenging. These "customer-carers" or whatever don't really seem to care too much about the people they take money from. But I'd be bored if I did their job too.

A side-effect of the IRA's bombing of London was the removal of all litter bins from the Underground. A sensible security precaution. But a terrible one for anyone wishing to use the floor to walk on. Londons dirty enough without having this great garbage bin underneath it. I just guess the people who would have swept the floors are too busy manning the phones at a call-centre providing "customer-service."

Whatever London Underground say about improving customer service, they were starting from such a low base that it makes little difference.

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