In Marks not-so-humble opinion, the Nelsons is Zurichs worst pub. Grimy floors. Drunk au-pairs. Drunker beer-gut equipped men shouting at the football-exhibiting TV when they're not busy being letchs. All part of the course at the Nelsons.

In spite of being "An English Pub," The Nelsons doesn't do food. This is possibly the only "theme pub" I know that doesn't do food. OK, they've got sandwiches. But they're not that great.

If there's one thing that the Nelsons proves, it's that drunken man can't piss straight. You will need the ferryman to get to and from the porcelain. Simply awful.

Occasional middle-of-the-road pop bands play to disinterested crowds. Sometimes the crowds are even less interested. That's when the bands really bad.

On the charge of having no food: Guilty!! On the charge of serving badly kept beer: Guilty!! On the charge of having dirty toilets: Guilty!! On the charge of having uncomfortable seats: Guilty!! On the charge of being a dive: Guilty!!

On the charge of inciting Mark to drink somewhere else: Guilty!!

Their slogan of "fun for everyone" is simply wrong. It's not fun for me.

Nelsons

Nelsons
Beatengasse 11, 8001 Zürich

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